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as much as i want to avoid discussing about my engagement, i just can't divert my mind of this topic especially when the count down up here shows that it's getting nearer every day and i can feel it already... i know i'm not perfect and i know i cannot be selfish... but how i wish i could have my engagement day like what i have in mind rite now but all these dreams of having a beautiful engagement day remains a dream...there's so much to do if i were to follow my plan but unfortunately, time constraining as well as budget contraining... i just keep myself calm and just hope that the day will be okay... though i won't be able to have my dream dress, my dream hantaran design, my dream mini pelamin, my dream engagement favor, my dream...my dream..my dream... they just some random thoughts that rule my mind sometimes and i tend to be upset thinking of not having all of my dreams...

i just want to get over with it already and move on by focussing on what i want to achieve for our wedding next... we have to work hard so that we get all that we want, rite! these days, we take matters in own hand.. and cannot be too dependent on others too much..and money is always the obsticle for many peole... but i don't want to blame money as the big issue for not achiving my goal cos i believe there's so many ways to overcome that aspect...i do not want to be a bride that relies 100% on my future husband to finance our wedding on his own.. and i definitely do not want to trouble anybody from my family also... so, i really have to plan the wedding as best as i can so that i can have my dream wedding...i want to have my dream wedding...i want it so bad if i give guys the gory details of it u might puke!! but i would like to make it clear that i do not have a dream of a lavish & extravagant wedding cos it's not me...i just want it to be beautiful..that's all

to my good friends Anna & CT i really appreciate your calming words and advise...i really need those!