"Bila nak bagi adik kat Maryam?"

Lama tak menaip entry. kekok pulak. ewahhh..mengada! today i've no evening class and office work pun tak berapa demanding sangat hari ni, so i thought of curi masa writing something for the sake of missing writing. ada ka?? hehh...

Rasa macam dah lama sangat tak udpate anything. the reason being ... i have nothing to write. hehehe.. so today i think i have something to write after encountered a few pregnancy stories and got to know that many people who gave birth almost towards the end of 2011 or early 2012, which was my batch la beranak time tu now are already pregnant with their second child. woww... you go girls!! seronok baca stories depa.

Also at the same time, lately i've been getting a frequent question regarding when will i be having the next baby?? 

My first reactions in this topic is always "HAHAH....SOON" just enough to keep them guessing or satisfying with my answer. heheh...

Kalau jawab, "ehh anak i baru setahun tiga bulan you..." confirmed orang balas "ehh...i dulu anak umur setahun dah pregnant balik. tak mau buang masa, etc..etc..etc.."

i am not gonna lie that sometimes i do wish i could post a pregnancy test that shows a double lines or a scan picture of my uterus with a baby sack here. hahaha...

Honestly, it is NOT an annoying question at all. in fact it is a positive question. :) i think i welcome this sort of question anytime. it gets me into the baby mood i think.. i loveeee babies...i remember telling  my hubs that i didn't want Maryam to grow up. i wanted her to remain a baby forever as i see her growing by the day.

Who didn't like babies. their pretty, smell heavenly and adorable looking. kan!! well, messy but cute.

Even the hubs is almost ready for the second baby. he said that to me if ada rezeki maybe we can have another baby this year. 

But mostly i would just keep quiet when he said that. hehehe..dunno how to react. i think i am the one who is not ready for baby number 2 just yet. How la to welcome a new baby?? We're moving into a new house by the end of this year. i think moving into a new house requires a whole lot of energy and time and everything. i can't see myself being pregnant and busy with the new house. i want to be involve in the process of moving out of this current rental house and get busy with the new house too. i can't be sitting and heavily pregnant at that time looking and giving orders to people. that just not fun! hahahah...adakah alasan i ini mengarut??? seriously...

if i get pregnant now, by November i would already be in labour kot. and we're planning to move into the new house around that time also. again, HOW laaa...

The second reason is that i am planning to pursue my post graduate studies this year.InsyaaAllah. and the new semester will take place in September. Unlike those days sem baru started on June tak silap. so now i have to wait for September. i can't register myself in September and like 2 months later tangguh sem pulak because i have to give birth. that's just not me.. at least i should finish one semester and then have my baby number 2. okay kot tangguh. hahahha berniat tangguh jugak rupanya...

Seriously, these 2 agendas in my life currently make me stop wishing to get pregnant soon. not that i simply don't want another baby. i think betul lah kata orang, after sometime, when we forget the pain of giving birth and the baby starts to get a little bit older, we start having the feeling of missing being pregnant again. rite??

yep, i miss being fat like that...and i love looking at the preggers nowadays. simply beautiful. ;)) now i understand, no matter how ugly i felt when i was pregnant previously, i think there are people secretly thinking "ohh seronoknya tengok dia tu pregnant". at least i think that way.

Another reason is that i wanted to be ready. Like 120% ready with the second pregnancy and in welcoming the new one into the family. Physically, mentally, financially and also making sure that My Maryam is also ready to have another sibling too. After a year plus of giving birth i still have not lost a lot of weight. depressing sangat lah tengok badan seniri... i have to get back in shape and energetic mostly if i want to get pregnant. that is why i am currently planning to hit the gym and shake off these fats. i have too much fat. i need to get rid of them first. i want to be healthy while i am pregnant. that's my gold. dok tunggu gym tu bukak next month. baru nak pi. hehh...hari2 i pi buat lawatan tak rasmi tau, ushar gym tu. it's exclusively for female only gym. so tak segan sangat nak gedik santai di situ.

Readiness is very important  in my case as i want to the second pregnancy and baby to be a focus point when the time comes. i didn't manage to breastfeed Maryam for as long as i wanted because of a few circumstances which i think was fully my fault. i didn't equip myself with enough knowledge and also i failed to continue providing her the breast milk at least until she was 6 months. she stopped at almost 5 months only. i don't want to reminiscent of the past thinking how it went wrong. biar la berlalu... and i think Maryam is very healthy and smart girl. she is even more healthy than the brestfed babies i know. so i consider this as our rezeki. Alhamdulillah and i am very proud of her. she is learning to speak nowadays and she uses English too. she's only 15months. ;) see, i'm proud like that. hope when she finally able to read, she will read  this and know how proud mommy is when talking about Maryam.

i went through a not so easy breezy pregnancy stage. with two pregnacies i've had before they were quite tough. one ended with a miscarriage. i disappeared from the blogging world for a while and only managed to write back when i was at 6 months pregnant. when i finally felt good to join this social meadia back. really, my pregnancies were awful. i felt miserable and gloomy at least the first 20 weeks. it was so hard for me back then that i had to take unpaid leave. couldn't work, couldn't eat, couldn't socialise, PUKED ALL DAY... hadoi... so i better rest for a while la.. i know every pregnancy is different. i might have a great pregnancy next. who knows...tak bermakna i cakap camni i takot nak pregnant lagi okay... ;)) bukan i tak enjoy langsung my pregnancy...i had great times too...Alhamdulillah.

ok apa lagi reason i boleh state kat sini?Well...hmm..tu saja kot for now...i want to clarify that i am not rejecting the fact that ANAK ITU REZEKI DAN SIAPA KITA UNTUK MENENTUKAN BILA PATUT DIA DATANG. Not at all, itu cakap orang yang tak beriman pada pendapat i. but, i think in general people have their own reasons of why they plan to gap their childeren's age. as for me, these are basically how i feel. and i don't think it's a right thing to do something without being ready first.i'm just suck at multitasking! hahahha...

okay, peace!

handling these two people in my life pun is quite handful, i think. ;p

p.s. i tak sentap pon orang tanya soalan kat i...i'm fine...herherher...positive kan minda dan hati.