Tuesday, January 25, 2011

where the heck have i been???

not sure whether i have people visiting this blog anymore or not...i have been very very quite since the last entry. well, as the matter of fact, i didn't even check my blog at all. BUSY?? nehhh...
life has been tremendoulsly great and full of blessing since we have been married. syukur Alhamdululillah...i coulnd't be more happier. ;)

a lot had been saying, when a person gets married, the rezeki from Allah will be opened as wide as the sky...and it was and is very true indeed. mr. hubster and i could feel the rahmat Allah since we tied the knot! ;) life has been very very peaceful and with the amount of rezeki that granted, we couldn't thank the Power above more..

well, the biggest rezeki of all - last november, i recieved a very happy news after a visit to a clinic... that i was 5 weeks pregnant. well, after a month of getting married, maybe this was what expected laa kan? heheh..

i was shocked & didn't expect that at all...cos i was having light spotting on the day i was supposed to get my period. the long awaited period never came but only light spotting for almost 12 days and i was nausious all the time after i ate. a short trip to a clinic confirmed the pregnancy.

bad news, because i was having spottings the doctor couldn't promise that thepregnancy would survive as she wanted to "clean" my womb. at that moment, i was so damn worried. the very next day, mr.bubster took me to the specialist. and he scanned my tummy and gave me a very positive advice from medical perspective. he said the baby sack looked great and everything was perfect and nothing to be worried about just that i should limit my movements and be very cautious all the time and i had to come for regular check up weekly cos they wanted to monitor the pregnancy. i was so damn relieved. that was the first ultrasound and for the first time the hubster and i were very happy to recieve the best news, ever - the bundle of joy is on its way! ;)

so as the week progressed, i was not feeling so well. i puked all the time. you name it - in the kitchen, in the car, in the office, in the lab & class while i was finishing my lecture. even in a plate while i was eating. without any warning signs. i was really week and there were times i couldn't get up and sleeping were the only medicine to cure the sickness.

poor hubster, he had to take over the job of a housewife. he did all the chores around the house and took great care of me.

the puch card at the office was always blank and i had to explain myself why i was always on leave or MC.

the friends from the office were stating to avoid me. i also isolated myself from the crowd because i didn't feel like talking much. i could feel a very negative energy around me as if they thought i was being lazy, and because i got pregnant, i didn't come to work. what the #*@* - i was so sad. serioulsly, a friend whom i consider a good friend was not so nice to me. i never judged her despite the fact she stabbed me from the back. i forgave her. i could feel a sense of jealosy from her. but never mind~

so as i entered the 8 weeks of my pregnancy i had to undergo the check up procedure like a normal mom-to-be. things were looking great from 2 doctors i visited. just to get 2nd opinions of my spotting condition. both said it would stop when i entered my 12 weeks of pregnancy. the ligt spotting finally stopped at 9 weeks. but the morning sickness were getting worst every day. i couldn't eat. i lost 3 kg in a week. people started to notice that i was losing weight fast. i felt offended a bit. i remembered when i was excited if people said i look slimmer. but it was before i got married. but when i was pregnant, that was the last thing i wanted to hear, i guess. ;p

as i entered my 10 weeks, i was ok a bit. i could eat. and all i did was eating to gain back my weight. for the whole of the week i was eating and eating. ... finally~

but last tuesday, i woke up to have my shower, i notice the spotting was back and it was almost black in color but i didn't feel any pain. i freaked out a bit.

at noon, the hubster came home to take me to our OBGYN, and he scanned my tummy and i was so worried i even closed my eyes. i didn't want to see it. then he calmly said that the baby is gone. and i was misscarried at 11 weeks almost approahing 12 weeks in a few more days..

i was numbed. i couldn't think straight and mr. hubster did all the talking and the decision of what most appropriate. which was to undergo the D&C procedure.

we checked ourseleves in at Putra Medical Center at 3 pm and i was brought to the labor room. the next thing i knew, everything was done. i woke up at almost 10 pm.. i was having a bit of complication at first as my womb was tightly closed. the doctor had to insert some sort of medication to soften the womb and 2 hours later i was in so much pain. it was horrible feelings and mr. hubster was there the whole time comforting me. after maghrib the doctor came to finish the business. i passed out during the procedure. Alhamdulillah, everything is okay now.

i'm in my home sweet home penang now - resting and recovering. i will start teaching again after CNY. i accept my loss and redha with what Allah has determined to me. i feel so bless of having a great family and a few great friends whom i love and treasure. and the best husband ever! this experience has been the biggest so far and i hope the rahmat Allah will come our way again. amin..

as for now, i just want to focus on being a good wife to him as i never got the chance to ever since i got pregnant. so now, it's time to give the hubster more attention and love like he always deserves!~

life's great! Alhamdulillah...