Maryam @ 1 year and a half.

Assalamualaikum. hari ni nak cita tentang anak lagi.

Maryam dah 1 tahun 6 bulan. yeah..how time flies huh..in fact always ulang ayat ni...i think my baby is growing super fast everyday. ada saja benda baru yang pelik or yang lawak or yang comel or yang mendidih kalau i tengok. hehh..

the most noticeable character for the past few weeks is that she is getting more and more attached to me. i mean she used to be more "independent" in the sense that she would not mind if i disappear from her for a while or if i was not around her. she was totally fine with it..

And now, what happened? well, she would not let me leave her sight. like if her dad pulls her stroller i have to be by her side and holding her hand...lawak dak?? budak tu dok dalam stroller sambil seblah tangan dia kena pegang tangan i. if i hilang sat saja for example masuk fitting room, she would be screaming outside calling me!! "HAAAMIIIIII....MEEEEEMEEEE!" (mommy laa tu kalau ikot bahasa dia) adoi laa anak...

i think she now is much more capable at throwing tantrums in public than she used to be. hahahha...usually i would explain to her why she needed to remain in her stroller. and now, guess what? the so called explainations don't really work all that well...she would be in her stroller for 30 mins max and calls for help to get her off....so now, memang i kena alternate...30 mins in stroller..another 15 mins she could walk on her own or i have to carry her myself. not even her dad can. only mom.

i'm the type of parent who believes in giving my child explainations before or during somethings that is gonna involve her. example, if we plan to go out for lunch, i would personally talk to her. i know she's a baby, she doesn't actually understand what i say, but trust me, any baby understands what mom has got to say or explain. this would usually minimize the drama in public. for my case. but, these days, the power of "speech" mak2 yang i always pakai memang takdak effect sangat dah.. she does what she wants. 

and, as a mother i think, when i sit back and think deeply, i think it is normal when u have a very active toddler. how can we ask them to co-operate while we on the other end, sometimes refuse to co-operate with certain things in life as well.how can we ask a toddler to sit still, if we ourselves cannot and it is impossible to be in a still position also.so...i guess i just need to let go of certain things that i don't approve kot...and just bear with it. phewww...

back to her manja berlebihan, i think maybe it has got something to do with my busy days for the past few weeks ni. i admit when i get home sometimes i just wish for her to be sleeping because i was so tired with work. such a bad mom...but i tak tau laa, why she suddenly gets more attached to me than it used to. memang tahap i wajib duduk depan dia. huiii..now, i only watch her favourite TV shows saja la..nak tengok  Masterchefs Celebrity pun i kena mintak izin dulu tau..hahahha...but luckily laa malam tak dak Upin Ipin and Thomas & Friends or Geng Bas Sekolah. ;-/

Makan jarang laa bersuap sekarang..semua nak buat seniri

yang paling tak tahan, tidur malam dengan kasut. tapi tidur memang mak kena dodoi. tidur beriba tau.

Mother's Day Special

lots of prayers and love to those who have no mothers, to mothers whom have lost their children and to women who is trying to concieve or can't concieve, who miscarriage, i just want to say that, you are still forever loved and appreciated each and every single day...not only on a special day. ;)

PRU 13

yes! i did my part this time. to be honest, i didn't vote for the previous election 5 years ago. because? well, i actually thought it didn't matter. tak matang betul jawapan i.

so, picture wajib lepas mengundi harus lah disemadikan di facebook or di blog jugak. eheheh...well, i think no matter what party we prefer, the main thing is we are Malaysian. it's just sad to see the way people were bickering for the past few weeks. and as a Malaysian and a Muslim, it's just terrible to see how some of us were willing to go to a certain extend to get the point accrossed. 

whatever it is, i am sure many of us have the best intension to keep our country united and prosperous kan!

i actually got very confused to pangkah who? at the very last minute before i went into the voting room, i asked my husband. "nak pangaksah sapa ni?" then he said laa party XYX. did i really pangkah XYX?? hahahha... ehh, undi adalah rahsia.

:-\ 

oh my god i am just suck at talking politics! so i better stop now before i do any damage to this entry. hahahaha...

PEACE!

long hitus!

and i am back!! hahahha... macam laa ramai sangat baca blog hang norr oii... 

Well, i just did some "renovation" to this blog sebab dah bertahun layout yang sama. zaman tak kawen, dah kawen dan beranak....sama saja.

now, kasi improvement skit for the look...content tak tau laa ada improvement or not after this....cam sama ja...balik-balik cita tentang si Maryam..heheheh...

Anyways, i have nothing much to write just to say HELLO to the blogging world as i have been on a long hiatus for quite sometime...atas dasar kasihan kat blog ni,macam hidup segan mati tak mahu pulak sejak dua menjak tuan tanah tak dak idea nak tulih apa. hehhh...so tulis laa sepatah dua kata skit rasanya.

what am i currently been up to these days?? aside from endless workload, i am currently actively trying my best to lose weight.seriously. i mean i cannot be walking around with a plus size clothing anymore...i hate it and i want to be healthy and strong and active for my very active girl, Maryam too. i need to keep up with her running and jumping around.

 i am ashamed of being  fat and i am tired of being overweight already! seriously. i think i am doing this for myself basically. i am so lucky that my husband has never asked me to reduce my weight as he thinks i am just perfect the way i am and he actually assured me that.. but, i have been gaining too much weight since pregnancy and post pregnancy...so, if i want to be pregnant again the next time, i think i better loose the weight first. i don't want to be pregnant fat. that's all. i think it is not healthy and definitely not cute... sorry, that's my opinion. ;) so peace...no hard feeling please.

ok enough 'bout the fatty me. on the other note, i am a lil' bit busy with this

application for post-graduate studies.

i have a few dreams in my life, and this particular one has been slipping away a few times already. i cannot let it slip again this time. you know, to continue my studies at this time with a growing up child, i have a lot to think and to sacrifice. but, if others can do, why can't i? so, all i need is to be positive and remind myself to stay positive all the time as the road to this particular dream is not going to be easy. and i know it will be all worthwhile, Insyaa Allah.

if i ada post graduate degree pun it would not guarantee me a high position or stuff like that. this is just for my own satisfaction and for my child to have a person who she could at least look up to one day hopefully.

and i have to make sure that while i am busy juggling my work and my studies, Maryam would still be the  first priority and family comes first before anything else. so, dear God please help me with this. Ameeen.

sekali sekala pegi belajar balik akan buka lebih luas pemandangan kita kan. our Prophet pun encourage us to never stop learning until the end.

hide and seek sangat...

Ini lah the worst injury that she ever had at the age of 1 year 3 months plus... PIPI LEBAM! worst because she has never had any injury that lasts more that 12 hours kot. setakat jatuh and scratches on her legs or hands tu biasa la bg budak yg aktif macam Maryam ni. BUT last nite she and her dad was playing hide and seek and she accidentally bumped into the wall, the edge of the wall. As the result of that, maka dapat laaa hasil sebijik di pipi tu..kesian tengok dia. knowing this lil kid, who loveeees running than walking more than anything else, sometimes we just have to be more careful with her. but  i guess last nite memang laa big accidents dua beranak ni.

she thought her dad was gonna chase her and she just ran without looking what was ahead of her. and bedebukkkk!! i was at the other end was shocked and numbed seeing her screaming in pain. tekaku seketika mak ni... i picked her up and try to make her feel better but didn't work. i knew right away that this time around it was more serious and painful for her. she kept screaming and i was looking for any sign of bleeding but tak pun..but she kept screaming and then i saw her left cheek started to turn red and slowly looking bluish... sah laaa...sudah lebam.

i asked Rizal tu take some ice in the fridge and put that on her cheek. she stopped screaming instantly. sempat pulak dalam bejurai ayaq mata tur she said "waaaaaaa" macam kagum kot ice tu buat dia rasa lega...

And then she started to want to play with the ice pack...tebantut usaha mak dia ni nk redakan sakit pipi dia tu..

tapi tahu laa, memang sakit gila budak ni sebab bunyi kuat belaga tu....kalau i kena pon mau bejurai air mata jugak tahan sakit..

i think this incident made her dad felt so guitly. and he was so worried anything bad happened to her and kept checking on her.

it's amazing how a child can recover so fast sebab tak sampai 10 minit budak ni dah sambung balik belari2  naik turun katil pulak... adoi...

later after maghrib, we went out to jusco and one chinese uncle saw her black cheek. he said to us to boil an egg and then while the egg warms down, press gently on the cheek. so the lebam part would heal faster...silly me, i put ice pack intead of tuam dengan something warm....*sigh*

"Bila nak bagi adik kat Maryam?"

Lama tak menaip entry. kekok pulak. ewahhh..mengada! today i've no evening class and office work pun tak berapa demanding sangat hari ni, so i thought of curi masa writing something for the sake of missing writing. ada ka?? hehh...

Rasa macam dah lama sangat tak udpate anything. the reason being ... i have nothing to write. hehehe.. so today i think i have something to write after encountered a few pregnancy stories and got to know that many people who gave birth almost towards the end of 2011 or early 2012, which was my batch la beranak time tu now are already pregnant with their second child. woww... you go girls!! seronok baca stories depa.

Also at the same time, lately i've been getting a frequent question regarding when will i be having the next baby?? 

My first reactions in this topic is always "HAHAH....SOON" just enough to keep them guessing or satisfying with my answer. heheh...

Kalau jawab, "ehh anak i baru setahun tiga bulan you..." confirmed orang balas "ehh...i dulu anak umur setahun dah pregnant balik. tak mau buang masa, etc..etc..etc.."

i am not gonna lie that sometimes i do wish i could post a pregnancy test that shows a double lines or a scan picture of my uterus with a baby sack here. hahaha...

Honestly, it is NOT an annoying question at all. in fact it is a positive question. :) i think i welcome this sort of question anytime. it gets me into the baby mood i think.. i loveeee babies...i remember telling  my hubs that i didn't want Maryam to grow up. i wanted her to remain a baby forever as i see her growing by the day.

Who didn't like babies. their pretty, smell heavenly and adorable looking. kan!! well, messy but cute.

Even the hubs is almost ready for the second baby. he said that to me if ada rezeki maybe we can have another baby this year. 

But mostly i would just keep quiet when he said that. hehehe..dunno how to react. i think i am the one who is not ready for baby number 2 just yet. How la to welcome a new baby?? We're moving into a new house by the end of this year. i think moving into a new house requires a whole lot of energy and time and everything. i can't see myself being pregnant and busy with the new house. i want to be involve in the process of moving out of this current rental house and get busy with the new house too. i can't be sitting and heavily pregnant at that time looking and giving orders to people. that just not fun! hahahah...adakah alasan i ini mengarut??? seriously...

if i get pregnant now, by November i would already be in labour kot. and we're planning to move into the new house around that time also. again, HOW laaa...

The second reason is that i am planning to pursue my post graduate studies this year.InsyaaAllah. and the new semester will take place in September. Unlike those days sem baru started on June tak silap. so now i have to wait for September. i can't register myself in September and like 2 months later tangguh sem pulak because i have to give birth. that's just not me.. at least i should finish one semester and then have my baby number 2. okay kot tangguh. hahahha berniat tangguh jugak rupanya...

Seriously, these 2 agendas in my life currently make me stop wishing to get pregnant soon. not that i simply don't want another baby. i think betul lah kata orang, after sometime, when we forget the pain of giving birth and the baby starts to get a little bit older, we start having the feeling of missing being pregnant again. rite??

yep, i miss being fat like that...and i love looking at the preggers nowadays. simply beautiful. ;)) now i understand, no matter how ugly i felt when i was pregnant previously, i think there are people secretly thinking "ohh seronoknya tengok dia tu pregnant". at least i think that way.

Another reason is that i wanted to be ready. Like 120% ready with the second pregnancy and in welcoming the new one into the family. Physically, mentally, financially and also making sure that My Maryam is also ready to have another sibling too. After a year plus of giving birth i still have not lost a lot of weight. depressing sangat lah tengok badan seniri... i have to get back in shape and energetic mostly if i want to get pregnant. that is why i am currently planning to hit the gym and shake off these fats. i have too much fat. i need to get rid of them first. i want to be healthy while i am pregnant. that's my gold. dok tunggu gym tu bukak next month. baru nak pi. hehh...hari2 i pi buat lawatan tak rasmi tau, ushar gym tu. it's exclusively for female only gym. so tak segan sangat nak gedik santai di situ.

Readiness is very important  in my case as i want to the second pregnancy and baby to be a focus point when the time comes. i didn't manage to breastfeed Maryam for as long as i wanted because of a few circumstances which i think was fully my fault. i didn't equip myself with enough knowledge and also i failed to continue providing her the breast milk at least until she was 6 months. she stopped at almost 5 months only. i don't want to reminiscent of the past thinking how it went wrong. biar la berlalu... and i think Maryam is very healthy and smart girl. she is even more healthy than the brestfed babies i know. so i consider this as our rezeki. Alhamdulillah and i am very proud of her. she is learning to speak nowadays and she uses English too. she's only 15months. ;) see, i'm proud like that. hope when she finally able to read, she will read  this and know how proud mommy is when talking about Maryam.

i went through a not so easy breezy pregnancy stage. with two pregnacies i've had before they were quite tough. one ended with a miscarriage. i disappeared from the blogging world for a while and only managed to write back when i was at 6 months pregnant. when i finally felt good to join this social meadia back. really, my pregnancies were awful. i felt miserable and gloomy at least the first 20 weeks. it was so hard for me back then that i had to take unpaid leave. couldn't work, couldn't eat, couldn't socialise, PUKED ALL DAY... hadoi... so i better rest for a while la.. i know every pregnancy is different. i might have a great pregnancy next. who knows...tak bermakna i cakap camni i takot nak pregnant lagi okay... ;)) bukan i tak enjoy langsung my pregnancy...i had great times too...Alhamdulillah.

ok apa lagi reason i boleh state kat sini?Well...hmm..tu saja kot for now...i want to clarify that i am not rejecting the fact that ANAK ITU REZEKI DAN SIAPA KITA UNTUK MENENTUKAN BILA PATUT DIA DATANG. Not at all, itu cakap orang yang tak beriman pada pendapat i. but, i think in general people have their own reasons of why they plan to gap their childeren's age. as for me, these are basically how i feel. and i don't think it's a right thing to do something without being ready first.i'm just suck at multitasking! hahahha...

okay, peace!

handling these two people in my life pun is quite handful, i think. ;p

p.s. i tak sentap pon orang tanya soalan kat i...i'm fine...herherher...positive kan minda dan hati. 

Wordless Wednesday

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one colorful family.

The End.

*cheesy betoi*